Saturday, October 23, 2010;
sorry bloggy i neglected you again....
suddenly i lost the habbit of blogging after each day...
feels like shyt...i envy girls for their friendships between each other =x
after watching romantic shows/endings i always wonder.
"will this ever happen to me ??"
i feel as though i will not be able to socialise during my ite life...
i am scared....after all this years of broken friendships and lost friendships....
they backstab you, they make use of you, they ostracize you and worst of all is they leave you after they have found another more click-able clique....
just when i thought we would be BFF....
i woke up and i realise there is no such thing as BFF....
vincent wee you got to wake up from that shyt thinking of yours...
you will never have a BFF or group that will 'click' with you forever...
and ya i know that when after you guys O of coz you all will play and enjoy like no mother without me
duh ? i am always left out.... out of 10 events/outings i'm ost likely to only know of or be invited to 1 or 0
you might be joking but i know that will happen....
i ask you out to somewhere you will say no it is too ar no you are too lazy and so on....
when they ask you, you on the spot on or in the end you will still be there.
nvm it is okay. thats your life and you lead it, i have nothing to tell you what to do....
every time when my friend's birthday arrives i will try my best to buy my best friend a present if possible
and my mother will ask " i alway see you buy give friend present, i never see your friend buy give you one lei"
i stumble and i thought to myself, ya i know and what can i do ? anyway they are still my friend and i don't really care if they give me a not.
and i will reply her aiya nvm la they don't buy don't buy lor
and after that will think, why is that so ? why is it everytime i buy present for my friends and yet only 2 or 1 will buy me one for my birthday ??
and the most sad thing is that, the person whom i hate the most and i retained with actually remembers or few days before it mention to me that it is my birthday !!! my enemy knows my birthday more well than my friends/best friends.....
few days before my birthday i took away my birthday info from facebook as i wanted to see how many really knew my birthday ( i know that there is no obligation that they should know it at the back of their hands or it is a must ) and will wish me on the actual date. hmmm...the few people who knew it was my birthday and wished me on that very day was namely * vicknays rajoo, jonothan lin , debbie tan , and a few more less than a hand full* JONOTHAN LIN YOU KNOW ?!?!?! he was the person whom i was saying about, my enemy and he knows my birthday better than my best friend....
for the gifts i only recieved from vick which was a cupcake and it was really delicious.
i don't really want those gifts. if they can just help me celebrate my birthday or give me a surprise i will be freaking over the moon already....
i am not so thick skinned to ask for people birthday present i think it is really pathetic....
but after seeing my schoolmates each one birthday after birthday recieving birthday gifts and even had people to help them celebrate or planned a surprise i am so freaking jealous....
i wanted to cry... maybe i am so unpopular and unappealing to them ?
thinking about those days made me forgot what i wanted to continue type....
pertaining to my work.
it was a good experience for me, i know how hard is it to earn those pathetic money we extend our hand to our parents and ask for.
and now i have a better sense of punctuality and i spend money more wisely and i know how much is saving means....
i am really worried for my ITE life...
i am afraid i did be ostracized....i am afraid that i wont be able to adapt to my course i am afraid that i wont be able to wake up on time and reach school on time....i afraid that i can't get into poly....
making friends now seem so hard for me....
i feel so lonely....not saying that i don't have friends....
i don't know how to explain it....
whatever it is i feel so hard to socialise!!!.....
will she ever come by ?? will i ever be able to find that very girl ???
i am letting nature to take it course...however i am envy and jealous and at the same time happy....
fakeasmile@7:57 AM
